Inevitable surprises
by LulaIsRafiki
Summary: Itachi Uchiha did not like surprises, and makes a point to avoid them. Sakura Haruno Is constantly surprised, not only by the resilience of the human body, but the idiocy of certain male ninja's that think they're indestructable. So when one never ceases to surprise, and the other nearly kills themselves, the whole village tends to suffer the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

A/N _Hi! please be kind, ive never been brave enough to actually publish a story before, if ive made any grammatical errors i apologise!_

It wasn't very often that Itachi Uchiha could say that he was surprised. The first time, was when his mother came home one day, sat him down, and told him that he was going to be a big brother, and that the baby was inside her for some reason. Her explanation for how the baby got there left him confused, looking down at his crotch. Why would ANYONE put that THERE? To make babies he supposed, but still, that seemed disgusting to the 6 year old.

the second, was when his mother had come home with a squirming bundle of cloth and flesh, and claimed that this was supposed to be his little brother. And yet it could barely open its eyes. The pudgy thing could never hope to defend itself. It then had the nerve to claim Itachi's finger, placing it in the slobbering cavern that was his mouth, effectively claiming the older boy as his own. Itachi had no choice then but to protect the blob.

Since then, and in becoming a young man, the elder Uchiha had learned to take everything in his stride. If he wanted to keep his baby brother safe he could never let his guard down enough to be surprised.

When Sasuke had entered the academy, and he learned that there were young women hoping to latch their predatory claws into his innocent baby brother. This was not acceptable, and thus began his careful screening of his friends. Several young ladies found intimidating glares directed at them whenever he picked Sasuke up from school, and a couple even had the privilege to be shown a red flash of sharingan. Not that he used it on them of course, but for young girls that could barely make their beds, let alone throw a kunai, black eyes suddenly becoming red would not be a fun experience. Females always seemed to be at the heart of these problems.

Somehow, after all his care, a young female had not been obliterated. How, he would never be quite sure. She was louder than most, and violent. Somehow, she had been made a gennin. And now, watching his brother spar with his teammates, he knew why his instincts told him to leave the annoying one with the odd hair be. The earth rumbled and splintered beneath his feet, as the kunoichi threw her fist into it, sending her brother and the even more annoying blond jinchuuriki flying. Both caught themselves and landed with grace that only a shinobi could muster.

Yes, this girl had surprised him. And he did not like surprises.

Sakura Haruno stared at the report in front of her. She never ceased to be surprised. The resilience of the human body, and how a horde of hot headed shinobi constantly felt the need to put that resilience to the test. The pinkette smashed her head against her desk. Men were worse. she had noticed, with a few exceptions of course *cough*Anko*Cough*, and men from clans were worse than that.

Uchiha Shisui had just come out of surgery. After treating a collapsed lung, closing several gashes to his torso, and piecing together what was once his radius, she was not amused to read that particular mission report. The idiot was stupid enough to take on an unknown enemy, in unknown numbers, without back-up. He had won, but that wasn't the point.

Sighing, she grabbed a spare pen from her desk and twisted it into her hair, holding it up in the process. That was her fourth surgery only 6 hours into her shift. If this kept up she would be sent home in a drooling mess of depleted chakra. But she had no choice. Shizune and Tsunade both were held up in some council meeting, which wasn't surprising. The akatsuki were becoming more and more of a problem, hell, Naruto had been forbidden from taking any solo missions, and he wasn't allowed to leave fire country, even with an all jounin team.

She sighed again, and was about to take another look at the scroll on her desk, when a shrill scream resonated through the halls of the hospital. Making sure she had her weapons pouch, she bolted from the room towards where she heard it, but slowed when she saw a pink faced nurse practically trip out of the aforementioned Uchihas room.

Her worried frown became one of irritation. _Why is it that half of my problems are centred around Uchiha men?_ She grumbled to herself, before schooling her expression.

"Mai! What happened?" She barked in her best 'sensei voice' as her boys called it.

"Haruno-san! Im sorry for interrupting you, i didn't mean to scream but…" the young nurse trailed off. Sakura looked her in the eyes calmly. "Mai, did Uchiha touch you in any way that could be deemed inappropriate?" Mai mumbled a few words under her breath. Sakura was becoming irritated fast. "Nurse Seito you will speak up and address me properly"

The young woman eyes snapped up, and Sakura tried to hold back a giggle when her heels clicked together. "Dr Haruno, approximately a minute ago Uchiha Shisui made an inappropriate grab at my behind, in my surprise I vocalised quite loudly, catching your own attention. There was no danger present ma'am!"

Impressed in her own ability to keep a straight face, Sakura nodded at the nurse. "Thank you for your report Nurse Mai, it will be dealt with appropriately, continue with your duties."

The young woman turned away, slumping her shoulders slightly, before shaking, and heading off to finish her assignment.

The pinkette straightened her back before striding into Shisui's room, her best 'no nonsense' look on her face.

"Shisui Uchiha!" She barked, catching the attention of the man staring blankly out the window. His eyes widened at the sight of the Kunoichi, and if he wasn't trained in the art of the Uchiha aloofness, he probably would have squealed a little. As it was…

"Sakura Chan! How lovely to see you! That nurse you gave me was cute but she's nothing to your fiery beauty" He winked slyly at her, and internally wondered why, even to save his life, he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. The young womans fist clenched.

"I did not give her to you, you belong to her, and if you are ever caught disrespecting her again make no mistake i will make sure you leave here with more injuries than you came here with, so keep your hands to yourself Uchiha-san."

Shisui opened his mouth to reply when a far too familiar voice broke the silence instead.

"Haruno that is hardly the manner in which one speaks to their superior, and though he is an idiot, he is under my protection, besides, as a medic, your job is to heal his wounds, nothing more." Sakura whirled around only to come face to face with Itachi 'No idea about personal space' Uchiha standing not half a meter in front of her.

The sound of leather being stretched under protest made her opinions of his words far too clear as her fist clenched again. "Itachi, in the field I'll give Shisui the full respect he deserves as a jounin, and a team captain. Right now though, in this hospital, the only person i answer to is Lady Tsunade. If you have a problem with how i treat my patients then you can bring the issue up with her. Besides, you are right in one point. As a medic, i am required to do everything i can to heal his wounds. And they're being healed. Nothing says I'm forbidden from giving him new ones. In fact, its encouraged if it means getting stubborn jounins to cooperate, if you have any protests please feel free to file a complaint, and ill look it over and decide how to act. I do run this place after all."

Turning to the other raven-haired male, she spoke again. "And you, don't even think about propositioning my nurses again. I can make your life a living hell, remember, i have access to ALL of your medical records" She gave him a pointed look, and strode confidently out of the room, leaving a suspicious Itachi, and a nervous Shisui behind.

The heir turned to his cousin, but before he could ask what that last threat was about Shisui awkwardly mumbled out "None of your business baby cousin, why don't you run along now?"

Deciding he was better off not knowing, Itachi left through the window he used to get in.

Not many people dared speak to him more than necessary, and only three people alive dared to chastise him. His mother, which he allowed because he loved his sweet, yet fiercely protective mother more than he dared to say, His Hokage, because in every chain in command there is always someone above you, he had learned that a long time ago. These two were accepted, even expected. He respected both of these women and was open to hearing them. The pink haired girl, the very one that had been an irritatingly irremovable thorn in his side for many years now, was not one that he welcomed. He had… a grudging respect for her strength. Nothing more. And he most certainly did not wasn't to know anything more about her.

As always, her shift had been a long one. There was nothing, NOTHING she wanted more that to curl up with some fudge and a hot chocolate, maybe splurge and read something other than medical files. But, as was always the case, she found herself in the records room. Nothing fascinated her more than the way the human body was put together. It was so delicate, and yet if it was broken apart to be almost unrecognisable, SHE had the skill to put them together again piece by little piece. And there was one person who's medical record never ceased to amaze her.

Naruto's ability to heal himself was the subject of her fascination for hours on end. She poured herself over records, with his permission of course, and had taken a few of his injuries into her personal studies. How he, or more correctly Kyuubi's ability to heal, to knit its host back together again, amazed her to no end.

But, that wasn't what she was looking at for the moment. Though 90% of all Uhciha's irritated her to death, she knew that they tended to see taking care of themselves as a weakness. And that, is what made her pay attention to the heir during their brief encounter.

Sasukes big brother always had bags under his eyes, but today, there was something slightly scary about them. They were sunken to the point of almost being skeletal, and if she didn't know better, she'd say the dark purple colour was from a fight lost. As it was, she knew this was nothing more than his body protesting exhaustion. But what could cause that in one of the villages most elite ninja?

Pulling out the Extremely high clearance file, she scanned it, and then again because surely she couldn't have read that right. How the hell did he manage this without anyone being the wiser? Snapping the folder shut, she prowled out of the room and towards the hokage tower. Someone was going to pay for this.

Itachi was rarely superstitious. But on that particularly warm day, when he felt a chill run down his spine, he couldn't help feel the closest thing he would allow himself to fear. Caution. Something was going straight to hell very soon, and it would most likely cause him a lot of pain.

To say Tsunade was surprised when her door flung open without so much as a knock was an understatement. Few people dared, and seeing her protege standing there almost quivering in rage, she saw no reason to chastise her. "Report" She barked. Something was serious.

"My Lady, who besides yourself has authority to hand out S class missions?"

Very serious, she thought. "Iruka, and kotetsu only from the missions desk. whats happened?"

Saying nothing she slammed a medical file in front of her superior. Uchiha Itachi?

Opening the file to recent mission medicals her eyes widened, and practically blazed in fury.

"Itachi hasn't been in the village for more than a few hours in over a year. During the war some things couldn't be helped, but even then, we're destroying some of our best, and he's going to collapse whether his pride wants him to or not, he has to have been seeing different admins to keep his missions out of suspicious eyes, but damn it this could kill the bastard!"

Tsunade eyed her ex-student. There were a few options she had here.

The most prominent were two. She could speak to Itachi herself, formally declaring him off duty until a medic saw him fit for duty again… but that wouldn't be too entertaining. In fact, it was set to cause her a rather large headache.

On the other hand…. She could easily entertain herself, an take the blame elsewhere at the same time. She by no means feared the stoic little brat, but Uchiha's were annoying as hell when they wanted to be.

"Sakura, _you_ are the one to catch this problem, so you can deal with him. You are to take charge of the Uchiha's case. You're the only one with skills to match my own, and ill need someone strong to keep that pain in the ass in the village. You will act as his handler as your main duties until you declare him fit. You also act with my own authority. Understood?"

By no means was the pinkette fooled by the flattery. She knew her Shishou well enough to know when she was passing her work off. But, she couldn't refuse her Hokage. And maybe get a break from the hospital. But… was it really worth it?

Suppressing a sigh, she bowed. "Yes my lady, Ill see to it at once" and left the room, finally allowing her brow to furrow. She could barely get Sasuke to rest every now and then, how the hell was she supposed to manage an Uchiha thats stubborn pride was so overwhelming it could make royalty feel unworthy?

This was NOT going to be the weekend she had in mind.


	2. Chapter 2

In the missions room, there was a general feeling of unease floating around its workers. Eyeing one another, they knew this could mean one of two things.

1\. Kakashi Hatake was bored, and they were all about to die.

2\. Something horrible was going to happen. Something they couldn't call an alert for, but something they could never avoid.

Either way, they were screwed.

This was made more obvious as one of the villages top medics came strolling calmly into the room. But this wasn't a normal stroll. No. This was the stroll of a ninja that was about to destroy someone who ruined their day. More like a light-hearted stalk of a lion that was about to eat a bunny. A bunny with a broken leg that couldn't run. They were the bunnies.

Iruka Umino, being the unspoken leader, stood. If for no other reason than to find out just who was about to die.

"Sakura! What brings you here? I wasn't aware you were taking missions?" His almost non-existent hope that this _was_ just a mission whimpered slightly.

"Chuunins Iruka Umino, Kotetsu Hagane, a private word please." The jounin said in her sweetest voice. It fooled no-one. The whole room practically froze over.

"Of course, at once." Iruka strode from his desk, and opened a side door to a smaller office often used for meetings. A very, very soundproof office.

Kotetsu was not so eager. He looked around the room desperately for help, but everyone had backed away from him like he was diseased. Safer than being associated though.

"Kotetsu…" the pinkette growled through her slightly less honeyed voice. "I don't have all day"

Shoulders slumped, the man made his way to the room.

As the door shut, almost at once, the whole room crept forward, with vain hope to hear a glimpse of what was being said behind that annoyingly quiet door. This would be good.

No one in the room sat down in one of the many chairs in the room. Instead, the two Chuunin stood at attention, waiting to hear what the hell was happening.

Rather than breaking the wonderfully tense silence, Sakura threw a folder onto the table. A private file. Neither dared to pick it up.

"Do you know what this is?" Her voice practically dripped with sugared malice.

Seeing as his ever-brave companion had lost his voice, Iruka once again spoke up. "A private medical file, if you don't mind" he turned the file to face himself. "Itachi Uchiha? Haruno-San, Is there a problem we should have been made aware of pre-mission?"

The pinkette stared at him for a solid, piss your pants inducing minute, before she answered him.

"Umino, Hagane, perhaps one of you can explain to me exactly why such a high-risk mission taker such as the Uchiha heir has been on a 2-year mission streak without so much as a full days rest in the village?"

Iruka's brow furrowed as Sakura waited, almost watching the cogs tick over in his head. There was no way this should have happened. Slowly, surely, the colour drained from his face. Sakura knew that Iruka was meticulous with his work, and just how easily Jounins could weasel their way into more missions when they were supposed to be on bed rest. Her own Sensei was a perfect example. She did not blame the man entirely, but nor could she let him off that easily.

Kotetsu too, seemed to realise the implications, and grabbed the file from the desk, scanning for what was hopefully a mistake. He paled when he saw that there was none.

Sakura couldn't help but admire the two men as they straightened their backs and faced her. They knew that mistakes like this were inexcusable. Normally this was not something the medic would resolve. But the Hokage had order to fix the issue, and that included dealing with how the mistake was made in the first place.

She stood tall and looked both men in the eye in turn. "I can't suspend you from the missions room. No-one else can deal with S-Ranks, or the headaches that collect them. Instead, you will both completely re-organise, and catalogue ALL mission reports to drive them into your skulls. I'll be back in a week with Shizune for a progress update, and if I'm not satisfied there will be hell to pay. Uchiha will no longer be receiving missions without my consent until I give the all clear. Understood?"

They both nodded seriously before exiting the room. As soon as their backs were turned though, Iruka couldn't help but smile a little. He was always proud to see his students flourish, and Sakura had gone above and beyond what anyone had expected. Even if she was a bit intimidating when she was mad.

Sakura sighed as she walked outside. Something she seemed to be doing a lot lately. That was the easy part. Now, how to track down someone that would definitely not want to be found. Asking Sasuke was out of the question. He was always too nosy when anything about his precious brother. Naruto would be oblivious even if the man were sitting on his shoulder like an oversized crow. Kakashi had no care or opinion for the younger man. That left her with one option. Hanging her head, she started walking back to the hospital.

 _I may be too old to drag my feet, but nothing can make me walk faster towards_ him.

All too soon she was standing in front to the same room that had caused her a headache earlier. Rolling her shoulders once to steady herself, she slid the door open and once again came face to face with Shisui.

"My My Sakura-Chan, two visits in one day? Aren't I a lucky little boy?"

Not giving any response to the man-child, she got right to the point. "Where does Itachi-San go between missions? Home? A bar?"

That damn grin stayed firmly in place at her words and she groaned internally.

"Sakura-Chan, I didn't know you cared about my baby cousin! I must say I didn't think he was your type! So broody, not at all fun like me!" he winked. Her eye twitched. "Baby cuz usually crashes at home for a while, then mopes around the city. Somewhere tall, he likes to pretend to be a crow."

Stalking out of the hospital, fought the drastic desire to bash her head into a wall. _Home or somewhere tall_ really didn't help.

Home was the only solid lead she had, so that was where she was headed. _Please please please don't let his parents be home._ Shisui was one thing, and the younger ones she could handle. But Fugaku was so stern, and Mikoto… well she never had been able to get a read off the Uchiha mother.

She nodded to the guards stationed outside the Uchiha compound, before confidently striding to the large house in the centre. Shaking her head minutely, she knocked on the dark wood, dreading getting a response.

A small breath of relief left her when Sasuke opened the door, an eyebrow raised in question. "Is Itachi-San here? I have urgent business." Without saying a word, he turned his body to let her in, pointing down a long hallway with only two doors. Rolling her shoulders again, she took off her shoes and padded to what she was sure was a completely normal hallway. One that wasn't going to murder her like she kind of hoped it would.

She stopped at the doors, one to her left, the other completely opposite. She had no idea which door she was supposed to knock on. Before she got the chance, something far too large, and far too wet ran into her.

Itachi did not groan or whine. He was too well trained for that. But even he knew that the scalding hot shower felt amazing on his strained muscled. He wasn't an idiot. He knew he was overdoing it. But being on a mission meant he wasn't home. He didn't have to think about his clan, his responsibilities, or any consequences for what might have been.

All Jounin were insane. And, with a very small amount of recognition, he knew he fit into that category quite nicely. He had already collected his next mission scroll. He was to leave first thing tomorrow. If he let Shisui have his way (assuming he escaped the hospital in the usual timeframe) then he would be dragged around town and not have to face dinner with his parents. He also knew that he was completely exhausted. He'd have to sleep first.

He felt the water begin to go cold, and begrudgingly turned the tap off. His brother always moped around for hours if there was no hot water left. At least Itachi would be gone for nearly a week if this mission played out the way it should.

He rubbed the towel through his hair, then around his waist. He would be collapsing straight into bed for a good few hours, there was no point getting dressed properly.

Stepping out of the bathroom he automatically reached for the door handle that he knew was only feet away. Until he ran into something below his line of sight. Blearily, he looked down slightly and noticed the angry, small one that Sasuke was friends with. He didn't say a word to her. He picked her up, moved her a foot to the right, and continued to his room, not bothering to greet the girl. She was of no interest to him right now. His bed, however, was.

He had barely lay down and pulled a blanket over him when there was a pounding on his door. He gave it a solid glare before closing his eyes again. No way in hell he was getting up for the noisy one. He was tired.

His eye twitched. The banging wouldn't stop. Her angry half yell drenched the room that was _trying_ to be a den of peace. "Itachi Uchiha, open the damn door before I break it down!"

If he hadn't been so exhausted, he would be amused. His door held seals that couldn't just be 'broken down', not even with a punch like hers. She could, however, continue the ridiculous racket that would certainly keep him from sleeping. Pulling on a pair of loose, lightweight black pyjama pants that were conveniently flung on the end of his bed, he opened the door.

Itachi didn't say a word. He just raised that damn Uchiha eyebrow at her. She was fairly sure that if he wasn't completely drained of chakra his sharingan would be out for intimidation purposes.

She bared her teeth at him (a habit that she had picked up from Naruto) and pushed his chest none too gently. "Put a damn shirt on! What kind of manners are they?!" She expected him to stand there and stare until she got to the point. She was surprised however when he turned around, looked at the ground for a minute, and picked up what was probably not the cleanest of shirts.

The man turned back to face her. There was no eyebrow this time, but she spoke Uchiha well enough to know that the droop in his eyes meant 'get on with it'.

Steeling herself slightly she looked into the dark eyes above her. She had never thought of herself as short, but it was hard to miss. "Itachi Uchiha, you are officially on probation, under the care of myself until I see fit to release you. You will submit to a full physical and psychological evaluation. You will be under probation for a MINIMUM of one month, however, I have the right to extend this should I see fit. Your current mission will be handed to me NOW, and I will find a suitable replacement. You will not leave the village, nor will you be more than 100 feet from your handler – Myself – until I determine that you will adhere to the restrictions fully and without undue struggle. Do you understand these regulations?"

He stared at her.

She stared back.

He blinked. "Under whose authority? You're a medic." He was slightly uncomfortable with the slightly humorous glint in her eye. "For your case, and as your handler, I work under the authority of Tsunade-Sama. If you have any doubts on her decision please, go harass her. She _really_ will appreciate it." She knew she was goading him, and that he wouldn't simply take her word for it. The Uchiha were notoriously stubborn after all.

She fumed visibly as he picked her up again like she weighed nothing, and moved her to the side before striding past her to the door. Sasuke was leaning against a wall near the entry with a smirk on his face. He was definitely enjoying watching Sakura try to control his brother.

On the opposite side of town, the Hokage shuddered poured herself some sake. She suddenly had a sense of her own doom which could mean one thing. If the Uchiha was coming, she would definitely be needing a stiff drink… or five.


End file.
